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September, 2005 Message : Starting Over
• Aftermath of a Hurricane
An August Challenge
It's now September. Where did August go? Our story about these last weeks is not unlike so many stories around the world involving personal challenges. Looking at the destruction following hurricane Katrina, our eyes filled with tears over and over for the circumstances of those in the middle of that devastation. Each of us faces challenges throughout our lives, often wondering ‘why me, why this, why now’. While we may never know why these events occur, now matter the magnitude, we can always comfort ourselves knowing that we are not alone and – ‘at least it wasn’t worse’.
Personally, our blessing is just that – ‘at least it wasn’t worse’. You see, on August 1, 2005, I had a stroke. Although one doctor called it a T.I.A. (trans-ischemic attack), another doctor said it was an actual stroke. My right side was affected as was my balance. I also had a hard time with speech and memory. Things would not come out the way my mind thought they should. Luckily, there was almost 3 weeks before I was to travel again. All the hospital tests were fine; there was nothing any of the doctors could point to as a cause and so they cleared me as 'normal', telling me I would make a complete recovery. Everything was slower though and yet, for the first time - I had a quiet mind. For so many years, working continuously with my mind on many different multidimensional levels, there has been so much activity. After working with consciousness through clients, in workshops and in my daily practice, I looked for spaces where I could quiet my mind. Often, that was by watching movies I had seen over and over. Knowing the outcome saves a lot of emotional highs and lows and you don't get 'mindfully involved'. Television had become my drug of choice. Now, I found that my mind was actually quiet. It was blissful.
My mother was scared when Nancy called her. My step-father had suffered a stroke and then passed away when he was still a young man. He was 58, the same age I was on August 1. So there I was wondering about that connection. Would I truly recover? Would I retrieve those pieces of myself which felt like they were so far away?
It was also hard to understand why this had happened to me and to Nancy. We work and give freely of our time and our energy. So why me, why this, why now? In the hospital, not being able to communicate or get my body to respond in the way I wanted, it surely felt like none of what we had accomplished really mattered – not Heart & Soul Healing, not the website, not the books, not our contributions to shifting the collective consciousness. I had trouble walking, talking, even thinking and writing. Nancy now had the weight of caring for me, our work and everything else by herself.
It wasn’t long before I wondered if people would compare the way I am now with the way I was before. Would they still want to come to a workshop or have a healing session? What would happen now that I am no long the same person I was before? It felt like it did when I was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. Would people judge this 'event' for me based upon how they perceived it to be? And also judge Nancy for being part of this creation? None of these questions were getting any answers.
Soon, it was getting closer to when we actually had to travel in order to keep our commitments. Nancy wanted to protect me from any embarrassment and we wondered if canceling our workshops was the right answer. Each day we asked the same questions. Day by day we waited for the 'big' change to occur. For some days, there was only slow recovery. I was not walking very well and was depending on a cane for balance. Physically, I quickly felt so exhausted and still spoke slowly. While it was not obviously apparent there was anything wrong with me, I became acutely aware of how others judge someone who is not 'normal'. We decided that our teachings and encouragement to being vulnerable, open to whatever Spirit places before us would be honored and we made flight arrangements at the last minute.
Once we arrived in California from North Carolina, an amazing thing happened. We were driving away from the airport and I heard a sound inside my head. Nancy said she psychically heard a hum, like a breeze in the air coming from me. She said it sounded like doors quietly opening and closing - as if in the background. At that moment, a piece of my mind came back into real time. I felt more present and my words began to make more sense. Since then, it has been a slow and sometimes long process of re-learning everything. That has been very hard on me. It has been harder on Nancy. She did not want anything to happen to me or to my work (now our work) or to our future. She became the anchor while I felt I was blowing out there in the wind. My emotions were up and down and often, came out in frustration and anger. She was the closest to me and so, became the eye of my storm.
While I was glad this 'event' was not serious and I was told I would, in time, heal completely, everything inside of me had to come back into the present moment. At one point, while watching the devastation from hurricane Katrina, I told Nancy that the chaotic aftermath of the hurricane felt like the same energy as what was going on inside me, fighting my way back home. There is so much I find I no longer understand. Do I really need to? Do I really want to? Why do people forget what they know? Why do we have to keep re-learning the same things? I thought about teachers of spiritual truths who do not choose to empower people to think for themselves or to become responsible for their own creations. We have always felt that certain cultures and belief systems actually foster the victim/savior roles. Surely, I did not want to forget this place that I was now in. Our work teaches that having compassion for all creation (the good and bad of everything) can shift consciousness and create a space for change to occur. The energy on this planet can change.
New Orleans, Louisiana and the surrounding areas are in a long recovery with a need to start over again. The devastation of hurricane Katrina has caused many people to rethink their lives. Watching the news, many of them express wanting to live simpler, be more at peace and looking forward to beginning again with hope and a courageous attitude. It is hard to imagine the amount of energy it took to create such devastation! And now the statement from the Al Quaeda group that 'God was punishing the US'. That is just a glimpse into how much energy is directed at this country and at Americans everywhere around the world. The U.S. is only about four percent of the total world population, yet we affect the entire globe. After all, we continue to send our own thoughts to other areas and other persons, continue to judge or make decisions about what we think is right or wrong or missing. Could we have changed the outcome of the hurricane, the outcome in other chaotic areas on the planet? If everyone around the world truly practiced ONENESS, (awareness that every other individual has the ability to create and we ought not to judge their creation as good or bad, and then accept responsibility for all our own creations), this planet could and would become a peaceful space. By not sending out any energy (thoughts, feelings or emotions) based on our own ideas, but assisting energy (consciousness) to shift and change, we are then practicing ONENESS.
So is it now that we have ended and must begin again? Do we have the courage to look at what is happening in the world (and in our own lives) to see what needs to end so it can change for the better? The collective consciousness surely has felt the powerful energy of the world's thoughts, feelings and emotions. With so much chaos going on, it is as if the entire planet is reacting. The collective consciousness is reacting - shifting - feeling the need for change. As we've said countless times, energy that must change will go into chaos, resulting in the need to explode or implode. Surely each of us can be a witness to those dynamics. By directing our thoughts, our feelings, our energies outward, we judge that we are a better creator and therefore, know what is best. The challenge for each of us now is to become ONE and to have unconditional compassion for the creations of others without judgment or expectation for them to change.
My friend Gregg Braden explains the same information in another way: ‘When we invite divine intervention to bring peace to individuals, conditions and places where we believe that peace is absent, through our asking we may unknowingly affirm the very conditions that we lease desire, we may actually fuel the condition that we have chosen to change. To impose our idea of what should, or should not be anywhere in the world, or upon another person, is a form of manipulation, and a misuse of our gift of prayer. Rather than praying for someone, we have the opportunity to feel the appreciation and gratitude for the peace and healing that already exists. The power of this kind of prayer transcends, inviting us to elevate the conditions of our world to a new realm. In doing so, we open the door of a very subtle, yet powerful principle that allows for the possibility of peace/healing to be present without imposing our will to make it so.’
This is the same message that Heart & Soul Healing has promoted for more than 20 years: BE One, BE peace, BE love – allow a space to be created so that others may choose for themselves. The gift of choice is the best gift we can give to another creator. Help others in other ways – by giving financially or of your time, accepting and having compassion for the challenges that do empower us all. That is much easier to do when we begin to take responsibility for our own creations and begin to feel the vibration of unconditional love for ourselves. Practicing the energetic clearing technique is a good place to start. Using the Living Light Breath every day allows us to be a part of the ‘bigger picture’ while not attempting to change the creation of anyone else.
Aftermath of a Hurricane
Now we are home again, after three weeks away. Two workshops and many healing sessions and I now feel I am more than I was before. My good friend Tom Kenyon, on hearing about my experience, was completing the re-mastering of his wonderful CD ‘Mind Gymnastiks’. This sound healing affects the coordination of both sides of the brain. He immediately sent it to me and I have used it with great success. It now feels like I have awakened from a very deep sleep and have found my way back to myself. My right side still works a bit slowly yet everything else is getting back to better than ‘normal’. I feel so different now. I do not think there is any way that I will go back to the way I was. In so many ways, that is good. It's like getting a chance to start over again. Remember the beginning of a new school year when you were young? Such excitement, anticipation and of course, some fear as well, not knowing what the future will hold.
Watching the news and the discussion on re-building homes throughout the hurricane devastated areas, Nancy and I also began to wonder where and how we would now live. We have put our house up for sale and Nancy's business is ready to sell. Is a large home needed to accommodate teaching courses or do we get a small space just for ourselves? How far do we extend ourselves in order to help others? Should we slow down or even stop traveling at some point? Can we really heal the planet as we heal ourselves and others? We continue to believe that each one of us can make a difference and continue to hear from individuals around the world about their spiritual growth and awareness as they learn to unconditionally love themselves, find their empowerment and have unconditional compassion for all creation.
For me, it feels like I was emptied in order to begin again. As hard as it has been for both of us, we feel blessed. When we first arrived in California, I was feeling somewhat handicapped. Then we met our beautiful sponsor, a lady who runs a spiritual development space in Carlsbad, California. She openly told us of permanent physical handicaps and challenges that she would encounter each day of her life. We were faced with the truth of our own blessings and were truly humbled. There have been other gifts - my empathic and intuitive abilities have greatly expanded. I now feel and see the outcome of choices, decisions and judgments of others during sessions. Colors that I have seen in spaces and around people are now more brilliant and vivid. My mind finds the quiet space easily and effortlessly. Heart and Soul Healing – my work for more than twenty years – has also now changed as I have.
Nancy has a note on her computer that says 'Blessings are as a result of choice - not of chance'. Our choices have brought us to this space - an opportunity to start over, even if today, we don't know where that will lead us. The collective consciousness has shifted and changed. Chaos is often necessary in order to effect change. We remind each individual reading these monthly newsletters to examine your own choices. How do you respond to the energies in your life? What needs to end so that something else can begin? You can easily communicate with your Higher Self. The simple exercise found in Chapter 16 (page 62) of 'The Way It Works' can help you answer your own life questions. Be quiet and gentle with yourself. Love what you don't like about yourself. Accept your neighbor without judgment. Focus on your own heart's desire and you will be blessed in your choices.
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