July 2013 News:
*Changing Times - and Fear
In all the years of working with individuals, we have heard the same request. The one thing that most everyone asks for, wants and desires is a fulfilling relationship. Yes - they seek a spiritual awakening, release from fear, worries and financial distress. However, the one thing they agree on is that with a loving/caring relationship in their lives, everything else seems to happen more easily.
We've been getting a lot of emails and calls with this question: why are the loving/caring people around us changing? Why do we make a connection with them and suddenly everything feels different? When someone we care about changes in the way they feel about us, it can bring up so many fears - rejection, abandonment, disappointment, hopelessness - to name a few. The most out-of-control feelings we might have is when we think loving/caring feelings are no longer mutually shared.
Sometimes the answer arrives that the individual was jealous or afraid of us. They might also be having issues that interfere with their own emotional stability, like stress, fatigue, a medical concern, depression... As we age, changes in our memory affect us and everyone else. Some people just want to feel more in control, so they change the things or the people around them to help feel better. With those who are closest to us, this type of change can be the most devastating. Suddenly, we realize they are no longer sharing feelings, thoughts or viewpoints in the same way and that brings about fear. As the bubble of our own reality breaks down, we begin to ask ourselves: Was it all just a dream? Was our reality as we felt it, only created and felt on our side? We can even get angry at ourselves because we come to the awareness that our own joy, happiness or contentment were really dependent upon how the other person was showing feelings, care or respect towards us. We have only looked at our world through the perspective of another person - and as long as they are expressing our form of love towards us - we feel happy. When they pull back, we feel crushed. We have become dependent upon another person to reflect our own feelings back to us.
In the loving attached relationship – we count on that other person to have our back. We trust that they will always feel the same way about us as we feel about them. So when they change, why can’t we stay happy? Why do we begin to question our own self-worth? Why do we feel so miserable when a loving relationship breaks down?
It’s natural to feel the aloneness as inescapable. It’s normal to want another person to share our innermost feelings. It’s perfectly correct to need others in our lives. Philosophers and psychologists throughout time have expressed varied opinions about the self-sufficiency of the human condition. Yet no one can tell you when to be happy and when to be sad. Just as children need their parents to be loving, adults need other adults to be loving. The challenge is to be able to BE in touch with our feelings while remaining self-empowered and not ‘needing’ the other person to give us our own identity. While each of us need to have the interaction of all types of relationships in our lives, when we become dependent upon anyone else to identify who we are, we are not looking in the right direction. We are looking outward rather than looking inward for our self-worth. Because we don't love ourselves enough, because we don't believe we have the ability to sustain joy, happiness and the dream of a great reality by ourselves, we fail to recognize the importance of Self.
As time changes and people change, we find ourselves asking if we really knew 'them' or they really knew 'us' in the way we thought. It might surprise you to know that the majority of individuals in your life actually think of you differently than you think of yourself. Some people hold onto a memory of you from when you were younger. You have changed and they still remember you the way you used to be.
When our beliefs, our truths appear too different, others can become fearful of us. Their understanding of life is not the same as ours because our experiences of life have been different. Attempts to hold onto our own version of reality while everything and everyone around us is changing can lead to frustration and even feelings of being helpless. Change is the only constant in the universe. Allowing ourselves to flow with the changes in our lives requires that we be flexible-fluid. This is easier when we think of ourselves as liquid light.
Sometimes being different can cause people to make judgments or projections that have a paralyzing effect on our lives and our creations. An interesting thing happens when someone judges us. In that moment, all the creative and transformative energy involved is frozen. A piece of our reality becomes locked into place. Any aspect judged becomes locked into a freeze frame of reality. It's as if we are carrying around thousands of snapshots and movie clips that grow heavier each day. The particular aspect of ourselves that was judged becomes psychically welded in our life, weighted down by the opinions,
thoughts and ideas of someone else. Until we can free ourselves from those projections, ten years can go by and the other person is still having the same judgment. If we were wrong then, we are still wrong now. It is apparent they have not changed their judgment,and that can make it difficult for us to bring about the changes in ourselves that we desire.
So what happens when we change and others don't? How does that make us feel? We continue to grow and they remain stuck in their old judgments, their way of life, their 'story'. We have all seen others we know who are stuck, going down a path that won't help them yet could hurt them. They might even be destroyed by their choices and yet we can't help them. If they are ones we care about or love, it makes it even harder to let them go. By letting them go, we don't mean anything other than allowing them to be who they are. That is the greatest form of love - letting go of someone to allow them to be themselves. It then makes it easier for us to also just BE ourselves.
Thanks for reading,
Ken and Nancy
*The Bottom Line: Love
So what is the bottom line in all of this? It's Love - unconditional love of self and unconditional compassion for others. When we have love for ourselves, the changes in others don't affect us in the same way, the judgments of others can't remain in our lighter vibration.
The one easy way to break free from these past dynamics is by using the energetic clearing technique - releasing what no longer serves us and pulling back our personal power. It's bringing unconditional compassion to ourselves first so we can stop judging ourselves so harshly - to lighten up on our expectations so we can then find acceptance of the feelings/ideas/opinions or the judgments of others without attempting to change them.
All these situations affect your connection to your Higher Self - therefore making it impossible to stay centered in your heart.
Life gets easier when you become invisible to old patterns. Loving yourself is the first place to start - using the energetic clearing technique. Some people forget the third part of this practice: loving yourself like something you love to do; dancing, cooking, listening to music -anything that makes you want to smile! This technique also helps you focus to be present, wherever you are and whatever situation you might be experiencing in that moment - BE Present!
The opposite of love is fear. We know fear paralyzes people. So if you know someone in fear, send them this newsletter. Tell them about the energetic clearing technique which can help them be more present-centered and come to love themselves; share with them the technique about being liquid light and remaining fluid so that the changes won't ripple so hard in their lives. Help them learn how to be less reactive to energy that hurts by using the Living Light Breath. Give them our website address so they can find more than 5,000 pages of free information and books to help themselves during these changing times.
Tired of working hard and getting nowhere? Relationships not what you want them to be? Negative energies having an effect on you or your family? Find out why with a Heart & Soul Healing Session.
Remote (phone/skype) sessions are still being discounted: now only $125.00. This includes review of your questionnaire and a full remote session. Contact us by email or by phone to make an appointment. Release the emotions of your past that have kept you hostage, preventing you from feeling happy and free.
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