Chapter 4: The Foundation

The very foundation of who we are and how we relate to the world is based on one thing: Do we believe our world to be safe or unsafe? Albert Einstein said that the most important thing we can learn about a person we choose to partner with, either personally or in business, is how they perceive the world. If a person believes the world to be unsafe, he or she will get up each morning and circle the wagons. Good luck in developing a close, trusting relationship.

The first brain state, or circuit, is the foundation for how we relate to the world. If the foundation of our first brain circuit is unbalanced, we will not be able to stay consistently connected to our spiritual heart center. This circuit is focused around survival and imprints perception into an either/or grid, dividing it into nurturing/helpful (which we will approach) or harmful/dangerous (which we will flee or attack). The imprinting of this circuit sets up our basic attitude of trust or suspicion and identifies the external stimuli that triggers what we will avoid or approach.

This all important survival circuit is imprinted by our mother or the mothering person we have around us. This state is further conditioned by subsequent nourishment or threat. In modern day society, our physical survival has been replaced by the security of having or not having money to meet our needs. Every time our national interest rate goes up, suicides go up. When the interest rates goes down, suicides go down.

Since the imprinting of this circuit original imprint occurs before we learn to speak, its programs create automatic and unconscious responses. Throughout life, when our survival circuit is triggered by danger, other mental activity ceases and all other circuits are shut down until the particular survival problem or threat is resolved. When threatened, our acts are reflexive: without emotional ego, rational mind, or moral value.

There are a variety of ways to rebalance a first-circuit imprint, such as learning some form of martial arts. All martial arts use re-imprinting techniques that affect the survival circuit by ensuring that our reflexive actions serve our protection and survival. Exploring the subconscious mind and discovering what program was set as a child will also change the survival circuit.

As I was growing up, I was always protected by Spirit. In spite of the risks I took and all the bad things that happened to me, I never really got sick or hurt. There was always someone watching over me. At age four, I had a nanny, Hanna, who stayed with my brother and me until I was seven. She took care of us and loved us no matter what we did. The love I had for this strong, loving Black women allowed me to grow up free of racial prejudices.

An example of my childhood protection happened when I was four years old. I was riding in the back seat of the family car on the way to church when my door flew open as the car made a turn. I started falling out and grabbed the door handle. Suddenly, an invisible force pushed me back in and closed the door. This was my first contact with the angelic realm.

About the same age I had a high fever. I was burning up, feeling hot and cold at the same time. My parents called the doctor. I was alone when suddenly my room filled with a beautiful, sweet-smelling, radiant, violet light and my fever soon broke. As I reflect back on this experience with the violet light, I realize that I changed and become more aware at that time. I later identified this particular shade of violet with the place that I came from.

When I was younger, it seemed to me that everyone wanted to change me. They felt I should conform to what they felt I should do. They told me when to play, eat, and go to the bathroom. And none of it made any sense to me. I now realize I have always felt like a stranger here. I have felt uncomfortable with most people. The first time I went to nursery school, I sat at the door for eight hours refusing to take my coat off. I would not let anyone touch me. I was defiant, completely separate, and very confused about how things worked. I did not want to play, did not know how to play. I did not like the aggression of competition and the running and fighting for the ball. It felt alien for me to take part in these types of activities and it was challenging for me to be a part of things.

Later, two of my playmates died and I did not feel so safe anymore. When I was five, a friend and I were out in the paved school yard. It was lightly raining, and everyone was dressed in raincoats and high boots. There were six-inch-deep rain gutters cut into the playground pavement. My friend and I were laughing and running up and down through the gutters, even after the school bell rang. A teacher finally dragged us in out of the water. That was on a Friday. When I went to school the next Monday, my teacher took me aside and told me that my friend had died. She said he had drowned in a lake on Saturday. I thought he had died because we had stayed out in the rain. Nothing made sense to me. I could not convince myself that his death was not my fault. I did not want to play anymore.

I started playing hooky from first grade after my friend drowned. Each morning, my nanny dropped me off at school. I waved to her, walked in the front door, straight past my classroom, and out the back door. I walked to a little grocery store about a block away. I found a kindred spirit in the kind, older man who ran the store. Every school day for six weeks, until I was found out, I helped him clean the store and stock shelves. He never let me out of his sight, and he never turned me in. He was very kind and took care of me. I would meet him again later in my life.

I lost another friend when I was seven. He and I were catching polliwog frogs in a creek behind my house. A few days later, the Health Department came and talked to my mother. She took me to the hospital for a checkup. They told me my friend had caught polio and was dying. That was when I began to associate water and playing with loss. I was just learning about death and did not know all that it meant, but I did understand that my friend and I would never play again.

Throughout my life, I have related better to older people than to people my own age. The people that I trusted were often much older also, like my grandparents. Because of their life experiences, I found older people much more interesting, They were also kinder and seemed to understand me better. I could be myself.

As a child, I found a way to avoid the rules when I did not feel safe. My family moved constantly and I was always the new kid in class. At home, I was more like a grown-up than a kid, because I was in charge of watching my little brother and sister. As I look back, I am now aware that this was all part of Spirit's plan to keep me protected, disguised, and safe.