Chapter 19: The Atomic Structure of Consciousness

By the end of 1997, I had established a daily practice. I centered my awareness in my pineal gland, pulled my fields in, loved myself, owned up to everything I had ever created, and cleared all thoughts that were out of the moment. When I felt clear, I experienced being a part of everything created on earth by calling in all the collective consciousnesses, including love, hate, peace, war, goodness, evil, joy, sorrow, gentleness, and fear.

This does not mean that hate, fear, and war are okay. It only means that as I prepared to balance all energetic vibrations present on this dimension, both positive and negative, I needed to experience, with compassion and without judgment, every single thing that has been created.

Practicing this daily accelerated my work as a healer. By helping others though HSH sessions, and working with thousands of people and their experiences, I was able to add these experiences to my consciousness while steadily building more compassion for the many different ways of creating that humans go through in this reality. Through continuous practice over the years, I have learned to stay compassionate and in balance when running all the different energies of the planet. To do this, it was necessary for me to energetically let go of being solid and become more fluid.

When I continued to stay fluid and centered in my pineal gland, aligned with all my chakras, an interesting thing happened after a day of working with clients. My Higher Self said, "Think of the pineal gland as the center of creation. As you stay fluid, look deeply into the center."

That evening, after I showered and lay down to rest, I remembered what my Higher Self told me about looking into the center of all creation, and I decided to try it. Staying fluid, I began to call in all the different vibrations of creation. I focused on the structure they formed. Surprisingly, each vibration of energy made its own loop, all rotating at different angles around my pineal. They looked just like electrons and protons moving around the nucleus of an atom. The pineal is the nucleus of all creation.

This brought to mind an unforgettable childhood memory that occurred during my summer vacation before fifth grade. I was nine years old, and our family had been on a vacation in New Mexico. We were driving back to California, and since we didn't have air conditioning my parents decided to drive across the desert at night. On this particular night, we pulled off the road at a turnout because my dad was sleepy. When we first stopped I noticed that we were the only car parked by the side of the road.

We had been asleep several hours when the strangest thing happened. About five in the morning, we woke up to the sounds of other cars parking around us. My dad asked some people what they were doing out in the middle of nowhere, and they told him that we were parked where we could see an atomic bomb test that was scheduled to take place that morning.

Excitedly, we got out of the car to watch with a hundred other people. Just before dawn, when I thought I could not stand to wait any longer, the blast went off. An awed silence fell over the excited crowd as the mushroom cloud formed on the horizon.

The blast was the most exciting thing I had ever seen. Totally mesmerized, we watched the sky light up as the cloud grow bigger and spread out as if it were alive. All of a sudden a strong blast of wind blew past us and awakened the stunned crowd. Someone urgently shouted, "Let's get out of here!" and we all stampeded towards our cars. Reluctant to leave but sensing danger, we drove away as fast as we could. We were strangely quiet and reluctant to comment upon what we had just seen.

I replayed the moment of the explosion in my mind; there was something familiar about it. While it felt both exciting and dangerous, it also felt comfortable, like I was the cloud and it was me. I now realize that at that moment, I felt the full potential of my power, and it scared me. It was then that I subconsciously decided not to take my full power, because I could be the atomic bomb.

It now made sense why my Higher Self said it was crucial to center in my pineal gland and become one with all creation. Before I was able to realize the full potential of my power, I needed to be experienced and comfortable with running all consciousnesses through my body. I also needed to change my vibration and learn to center in my pineal gland.

To do this, I practiced the process my Higher Self urged me to demonstrate in front of the 350 people at Jekyll Island. I practiced loving myself unconditionally over and over again, while being one with all creation: anger, goodness, lust, greed, courage, kindness, and depression.

It took forty years of living and learning about power before I knew enough to be able to change that decision, made at the age of nine out of fear. When I understood what real power was, I was able to accept it and be it. Each of us contains this explosive, raw, potential power and must claim it for ourselves.