Chapter 13: Our Search for Soul

During 1995, I taught a nine-day practitioner training course on Long Island, New York and worked with several men who had traumatic subconscious memories of being a part of the Montauk Project, which used various methods to control minds and alter time and space. I have heard these kinds of stories over and over and always meet my clients where they are without judgment.

Michael Ash, a certified Heart &Soul Healing practitioner, was a teenager living on Long Island when he was unwillingly inducted into the project. He spent many years in the Montauk program before breaking away. During the practitioner training course, Michael brought in three other men who had also been in the program. They volunteered to let me work with them in front of my class, and I found that their electromagnetic fields were highly distorted and that their emotional bodies were disconnected from their physical bodies.

One of the volunteers had innate and powerful psychic abilities. He was often present when the Montauk computers, antennas, transformers, generators, and other apparatus were up and running. He sat in what is called the Montauk Chair, and when his primal energies and skills were amplified by the machines, he opened a portal to another time and space, either in the past or in the future. Other Montauk operatives could then move through these portals to do whatever task they were assigned.

When I was working with this man, I could feel the presence of an enormous amount of energy, much more than any one person could create. This abnormal energy had been generated when he was sitting in the Chair and his sexual energy was amplified electronically and moved up his spine into his brain. When this energy sparked in his brain, it had allowed him to create a time portal.

He said it was necessary to be centered and let the waves of energy flow through his body and not pool somewhere, such as in his sexual center. He told me that he had always felt out of control, experiencing everything, as if he was drugged and his brain was blown wide open. We concluded his session by reconnecting him to his Higher Self, which brought him back into energetic balance.

I then worked with a thirty-year-old man who had only recently recovered vague memories of his involvement in the Montauk Project. He felt there was a lot of missing time in his life, and he wanted to know what had happened. Because of his memory loss he was feeling fragmented, separated, hopeless, depressed, and powerless.

His first memory was being kidnapped at thirteen years old when he stopped to check out an old shack as he was riding his bike near Montauk. The door was unlocked so he went in to investigate. Once inside he was paralyzed. Extraterrestrial beings took him down an elevator hidden in the floor of the shack.

After a long descent, they all got off and walked down a sterile hospital-like hall. He entered a room where they strapped him to a chair, attached an apparatus, and began running electrical energy through him, amplifying it each time the current cycled through. During this twenty-minute process, he was enveloped in strobe lights and sounds, which opened a passage into his subconscious mind so that they could program him.

After being unstrapped from the Chair, they walked him onto a balcony overlooking a round room. There was a man on the balcony. He sent the boy a programmed signal to kill the man standing in the round room below him. The young boy focused his life-force energy and beamed it from his eyes, killing the man below. It all seemed very easy and natural to him. He was then told, łGood boy, good boy.˛ The boy woke up next to his bike with no memory of what had just happened to him.

Twenty years later, during our session, this man remembered the full details of his youthful experience. I was able to help him release these nightmarish memories. When I balanced his nervous system and merged his emotional body with his physical body, I was able to experience what it was like to have that amplified current running through one's body. As part of the project, the sexual/creative current in the young boy had been amplified and then tested in the round room. The test had been to see if, when the boy linked his sexual current with a very focused and powerful programmed thought (to kill), a physical result could actually be produced.

We discovered that he couldn't remember the many times he had been taken, used, stimulated, or experimented upon because these memories had been shrewdly hidden in the neural circuits of his brain, stored behind his worst fears. The project personnel knew that that would be the perfect place to hide such memories, because so few people are ready to look at their worst fears and even fewer have the ability to release them. This would almost ensure these memories would remain forever locked and layered in the deepest recesses of this man's mind. Facing and moving through one's greatest fears in a gentle and clear way is an important segment of every HSH session.

I finished working with him and he left with a greater understanding of his past. In the discussion that followed, the class wanted a better understanding and experience of the sexual/creative energy current that had been tapped into during the experiments on the young boy a long time ago. They asked me if I would be able to bring that vibration in so that they could experience it. This is not an unusual a request. As an empath, I was able to pick up this experience when my client accessed it during his session. I was also intrigued by this vibration. The current of creation and the current of destruction are actually the same vibration, simply modified by the user's intention. On one level this is obvious as the two dualities are always possible at any moment of change.

I lay on the massage table. My associate helped me move into an altered state and I took myself to the time when the boy was in the Montauk Chair, prior to his experience on the balcony. I heard and felt everything that had happened to the boy as he was strapped in the Chair.

The Chair was located in a small, dimly lit, underground room with shiny metal walls and floor, and a glowing blue ceiling. The Chair looked like a dental chair. There were straps for the hands, arms, feet, legs, and chest, and some kind of apparatus covered the groin. There were electrode-like devices placed on the temples and other devices that pressed on the eye lids. All the fingers and both palm rests were wired to conduct energy as well.

I then re-created the feelings and situations my client experienced as a young boy of thirteen, propelling me into the experience. While music and strobe lights were turned on to distract the sensory input of the left brain, the boy was mildly drugged and then sexually stimulated. The Chair began spinning counter clockwise, as electricity pulsed into specific points on the body and in the brain. Each pulse felt like a distinct orgasm but soon turned into a continuous wave. As the orgasms merged, the spine became the conduit that allowed the energy to spark the brain. As I felt this wave, I began to cycle it through my body. With each cycle of this orgasmic, kundalini energy, I consciously raised its intensity until it increased fifty times. Kundalini is a Hindu term for the sexual energy located in the base chakra.

This physical current is the most powerful creation energy that we can experience. The ancient mystery schools, especially the advanced tantric sects, were aware of this. They knew that by expanding this energy their initiates could enter the higher brain states. When the fifth brain circuit is activated, we move into multidimensionality, from a linear space into an all-encompassing sensory space. Traditionally, this circuit is imprinted by ecstatic experience via physical or hallucinogenic practices (such as pranayama breathing or psilocybin mushrooms), creating experiences of sensory enrichment, sensual bliss, and perceptual delight. When this re-imprinting is accomplished, the nervous system has taken over the rest of the body and every act becomes an orgasmic experience. Accessing this circuit transcends gravitational, digital, linear, and either-or orientation, enabling an aware person to time travel.

Conversely, the fifth brain state can also be accessed through sensory deprivation, social isolation, physiological stress, severe shock, or ceremonial terror tactics. With the advent of the electronic technology used as part of the Montauk Project, subjects could easily be induced into this state for use in the multidimensional realms, such as time travel and bilocation.

As I tapped into this state, it sparked an area at the base of my brain and energy shot into my pineal gland. Instantly I felt as if I was in a gigantic, darkened movie theater looking at a billion, brilliant stars that were evenly spaced in a square grid and represented a billion time lines. I felt myself automatically attracted to a particular star, and then I was pulled into a bright tunnel and began traveling very fast.

I lost all sense of reality until I arrived at a different location and time. I was back at the crucifixion, staring up at Jesus on the cross. The site of the crucifixion was one of the most awful places imaginable, a desolate place filled with sadness and pain.

I moved further backwards in time and was with Jesus again, in a desert, witnessing something very much like a Native American vision quest. He was twenty-six years old and about to embark upon his life's mission. I was privileged to feel his essence in a pure form. I understood how his vibration could act like a tuning fork, an available reference being for all of us.

My feelings were that this pure vibration had been distorted by the perceptions, interpretations, expectations, and judgments of all those who had ideas of what he must have been like, which has left us with an imperfect recording of Christ's true essence. I believe that it was this altered memory of the original vibration of Christ, together with our longing for his return, that may have allowed the rise and fall of many powerful dictators throughout history who claimed to be saviors for their people.

The perfection that I was able to empathically experience at that moment is difficult to describe. I felt his absolute compassion, unconditional love, total absence of judgment, humility, and overwhelming gentleness, which all flowed from him like sweet water from a beautiful spring in a desolate place. I fully understood for the first time that the key to Christ's boundless compassion for others was the result of his connection to God and the unconditional love he had for himself.

Christ had a wonderful gentleness, a state of being that somewhere along the way we have come to mistakenly associate only with the feminine. More precisely, Christ's vibration was a reflection of what it meant to be truly male.

I also gained a better understanding of the gateway that Christ used to return to Source when he left his body at the time of his passing. It is symbolically represented by a cross within a circle, which corresponded to the movement he made in his last moments, literally spinning out of his body to return to God. This symbol has since become very important to me. It is the symbol that I share with my students so that they can access the gentle Christ being within each of them. Specifics on this technique can be found at the end of this book, under the subheading, The Living Light Breath.

As I reluctantly returned to the present time, sat up, and looked into my student's expectant faces, I could still feel the Christ vibration resonating within me. I allowed it to flow from me so that my class could experience it. As each of the students in the room came to know the pure vibration of Christ, they in turn could share it with others. "This," I told them, "is what unconditional compassion feels like. This is how you will know it."